Cleaning House & Energy Levels

What I dread the most is cleaning my house, especially my room. I don't sleep in my room for many years because it is too messy. It's just a place where I store my stuff. A special guest will be staying at my home- and I had to clean my extremely messy room, scrub the tiles in my bathroom, then vacuum and mop my whole house. Yes, humble house like mine without air-con tends to accumulate lots of dust, not to mention fur balls from my extremely furry pet.

Sometimes, I marvel at the increased energy levels in myself. Before this, I was always too tired to do any cleaning. Yesterday, after feeling slightly lazy, I headed on to the gym for some workout-hoping to restore my energy levels. But after almost an hour of cardio, I realised that I've overdone the exercise and was a bit physically tired. So I slept early.

This morning, I got up feeling energetic, and started with the cleaning. Worked from morning till about 5pm, stopping for a short while for meals and watching the final 1/2 hour of Beowulf shown in HBO because I caught a snippet of the show while passing by my living room and was hooked. But I did cleaning most of the time, thrown out about 5 big bags of garbage. As my room had that stale smell, after cleaning (a sign that no one really occupies the room), I burned some incense and felt the energy level in the room becoming more positive. My suggestion to those who can't seemed to get rid of the stale smell from a room that hardly been used is to burn sandalwood or incense and open all windows and doors to allow as much lighting to enter the room as possible. It will almost change the atmosphere of the room.

The toughest part was scrubbing the white tiles in my bathroom with a toothbrush- I think I spent about 2 hours just scrubbing and cleaning the tiles, but I was happy at the end result.

In the past, low energy levels had always deterred me from much house cleaning. It's normally done by my mom- and it's bad of me to let my mom do all the work. Since I've started exercising, my energy levels are up. Especially since I've finally managed to exercise at vigorous pace- which helped improve my cardiorespitory fitness (heart, lungs and circulation). After which, I am able to sustain higher energy levels on days that I do not exercise- but I've gotten the habit of moving around often.

To someone who is hyperactive, you may not understand how it feels to be tired all the time. But for anyone who is having chronic fatigue and having difficulty of having energy to do things, you will know how it feels to dread anything that requires lots of moving. For most who have this condition, would strongly suggest to check on your sugar and starch intake- cut down on sweet tooth indulgence. Then start one day at a time- start small- like taking the lift and stopping 2 floors below your office and taking the stairs on the rest of the way. Do a bit of stretching and light exercise while watching TV. These little lifestyle changes makes a lot of difference. Slowly, your body will stop fighting you whenever you need to get up and move.

What matters the most

Recently, we have witnessed the natural earth disaster happening to Burma and China. So many people lost their loves ones in the tradegy. People in disaster struck areas are removed and would not be going back to the place that they had called home. Memories of losing loved ones are inconceivable and hard to bear- only one who have grieved before would understand that magnitude of the heartache and suffering caused. For some, it is hope, hanging on a thin thread- they are hoping against hope that somehow, their missing family members will be one of the survival. Sometimes, it is the not knowing that's killing the person- and they never knew if they would ever see their loved ones again.

These happenings had really made be sit back and evaluate the priorities of my life. Yes, I work for a living, in an environment that's constantly pose new and unexpected challenges. Most of my ex-colleagues and friends are surprised that I can work for so many years for my company. Every morning, I joined the group of nameless and tensed faces going to work. And I asked myself, is it how I want to spend the rest of my life?

As I re access my life's priorities, I realised that spending time with my family, help others and deepening my spiritual practice are my main priorities. I've always chose a profession that I am able to help others- that's what had driven me to work in an extremely stressful and demanding job- that what I do mattered and I help my front liners, because once, I was a front liner too. But I felt is now to step down and give other aspiring individuals a chance to advance.

Come end of May 08, it will be the 8th anniversary of my dad's death. He passed away from stroke at the age of 55. He had worked hard for more than 25years in the same company till retirement, stuck in a job that he did not like to raise money for the family. Because he had wanted to save for the family, he ate lots of economical food that mostly came in fried versions such as mamak mee, economy fried beehon, etc. He was someone who was too stingy to spend on himself but will never hesitate to take out money to buy for me something that I like, if he was able to afford it. The result of taking fried and saturated food, coupled with the stress of being stuck in a job he loathed brought about his high blood pressure. During his time, stress management was not an 'in thing'. People are expected to just work and be grateful that they have a job. No one emphasize about stress management. Of course, he also did not take his medication regularly and had decided to wean himself off medication without telling us. One year after we renovated the house (we used to live in a pathetic structure whereby the house leaked during heavy rain), stroke took my dad's life. He had only managed to enjoy his retirement for one year- and he had worked hard for more than 25 years.

In these recent years, I've taken a strong interest in health, especially after joining a gym and a year later, changing my eating habits, I could see that I have a choice to be healthy or not. I've always thought that chronic fatigue was a condition that I have to live it for the rest of my life, but it was not to be. I had the eating pattern that was well on the way towards obesity, diabetes and hypertension. But I've changed it- it was an uphill battle at first, with many trials and errors along the way. In my journey, I've learned lots of things, and one of them- there's hope of reversing chronic health conditions as the result of a sedentary lifestyle such as diabetes, hypertension and cholesterol. If I had known it 10 years earlier, than my dad would probably still be alive today.

So I am now doing whatever in my power, research and plan programs for people with such chronic illness for them to break away and gain back the quality of life they so wanted. This is what drives and fuel me now.

For every individual that I make a difference to, I will dedicate it to my dad's memory.

Mental Calmness & Clarity

When you are under stress, such as too many things to do but too little time, or having the phone on your desk ringing non stop from people chasing for answers, how to you feel?

Is your mind scattered? Or are you in control?

Or during meetings and discussions at work, do you focus on the important things and do not get side tracked by less urgent things or silly questions that people ask?

How you are able to stay calm and composed internally will relate direct to your work performance, your ability to manage stress and the end, how people know you as.

But on the other hand, how would the mind be able to stay calm when it is constantly distracted by outside stimuli - all grabbing for our attention and buying power. Most of the time, we are not used to spending time by ourselves in peace and quiet. The mind starts to get restless, listless and we may turn on the TV, raid the fridge, listen to the radio, call some friends, go online - anything but just sitting quietly by ourselves.

When we lose the ability to retreat into inner peace and quiet, the mind will start losing its strength and power. We are unable to resists the tides of the world that drags us here and there- and we turn ourselves into whatever they want to turn us to- so that we will be buying more products and services to be what we think we have to be. When we exercise, we must have the IPod blasting loud music to our ears, we feel we have to change our sets of clothes and colour according to the fashion trend. We find that just sitting with our loved ones, sipping tea and if we have nothing to talk about, the silence seemed deafening. It even feels boring and we start thinking about our happening friends.

Then years later, when our loved ones are no longer in our lives, we start to miss the quiet times spent together and curse ourselves why didn't we value those times.When we are no longer calm inside, we loses the ability to listen to ourselves and listen to our hearts. And to do what is right.

Now, many people talk about 'listen to your heart', in this type of context: "I saw this gorgeous XX brand of handbag being sold- I know I cannot afford it, but I know deep down in my heart I must have it- so I bought it even though I have to be credit card debt. It's worth it- I know it's worth it."

Dear friend, this is not listening to your heart. That is listening to your desires, succumbing to your desires and listening to your ego- because you will get to show off that bag and will be the envy of your friends. Your ego is like a child- if you spoilt it and give in to whatever it wants, it gets bigger and bigger- it gets your life out of control, made you burn bridges because you are too proud to tell someone that you cared about that you're sorry or that you are wrong.Anyway, back to the bag, few months or even weeks, that bag is chucked into the corner of your cupboard. Another bag now occupies your mind. Sounds familiar?

Developing mental clarify and strength are important and the benefits we derive from it is priceless:

• it helps us to manage the unexpected rough patches of our lives, which we are bound to face some time or another


• it helps us to stay focus and prioritize things. Making sound decisions


• Or even though we make wrong decisions in life, there's self acceptance and we are able to move on


• we become a better person and learn to manage relationships better
  you become less fearful and worried


• you are able to calm yourself very fast, even in stressful situations and be able to think with a clear head.
  

Some people becomes very terrified towards the end of their lives because it's automatic for the mind to start to recall back significant the bad/good deeds that they have done in their lives. Some, who had led a full life, are very calm and peaceful.

How to develop mental calmness
Ready to learn the methods? They're simple but hard to do.

First, in your own quiet time, learn to get used to relaxing your body. It can be achieved through massage, stretching exercises or yoga.

Once your body is relaxed, close your eyes. Try not to think or plan anything.

One method that I know works- just be conscious of your breath- be conscious when you breath in and be conscious when you breath out.
Breathing in- mentally repeat "in"
Breathing out- mentally repeat "out"

Or you can recite your God's name- substitute the "in" and "out" with the recitation of your God's name. Such as "Ma- ry", "Je-sus". For me, I recite "Bud" (in breath) and "dho" (out breath).
Start small, 5 minutes or 10 minutes per day. And during the initial stage, do it on the same time everyday (eg the moment you get up from bed or before you go to sleep) so that hopefully it becomes a habit.

The challenge is to know your breath without getting distracted. This is often the hardest part and many people finds it too 'boring' to continue. But once you get past that hurdle, your mind will want that quite moment.

But once you are able to struggle on, it will graaadddduuuuallly become easier. Really takes time and patience- it can take months or years. Then you try to practice while waiting at line, stuck in the jam, prepare your food or just have nothing to do.

You will then know the meaning of real happiness, inner peace and calmness. Sometimes, we wonder why people choose to stay in monasteries or retreat into a cave or forest. Why people are able to give up everything in life to opt for simple life. There is great value to strengthen your mind, to develop inner peace- no money, no matter how much, can buy that.

For most of us, with a family to support and other commitments, we will still be working to earn a living. But at the same time, work to earn our inner strength. You will know what I mean when you have inner peace. It's really worth it.

Spending Mother's Day at Hawker Ctr

Today, we ate dinner at the hawker center. My mom refused suggestions for other more expensive eating places.

During dinner, she ordered her favourites: fish porridge and vinegar pork leg. Usually, she does not get to eat those food much because the family does not fancy this food and she saw no point of only cooking for one. She's happy with the food at the hawker center.

I had rice with sambal and curry, fried chicken and taufu (Thai style). Cost me RM6.50 but the food was delicious. And of course, my usual cup of milk tea. The cup of tea was so much more delicious than the one I had at Old Town Kopitiam earlier today and only cost fraction of the price.

Earlier, I brought her for physical therapy by an occupational therapist - the initial massage is really helping her to ease her tensed leg muscles.

My Chicken Soup Story for Mother's Day

Mother's Day is here and many families are planning celebrations like lunch or dinner buffets for the moms in the family. Major shopping complexes would undoubtedly be jammed packed with families. Just like Valentine's Day, many will end up paying for overpriced menus, flowers and gifts.

But for my mom, she would always opt not to celebrate. Whenever I wanted to take her out for Mother's Day meal or on her birthday, she would undoubtedly protest- saying that it is an insult if only one or two days of the year is set aside to remember her. When I asked if there is anything further I could have done better, she said I've done more than enough.

So we will normally spend her birthday or Mother's Day in quite a low stay at home kinda thing- because the time which I managed to drag her out for a meal, she will end up complaining that we are paying so much for such horrible tasting food.

Still, parents are parents and most often, they are more concerned for our welfare more than their own. No matter how grown up we are, they never cease to worry about us- my friends who are now young parents, finally understands after having their own babies. One look at their newborn and they know that they will love and care for him/her for as long as they live.

How do we show love and care for them?

• if we are trying to make a living in another town or country, we could teach our parents to set up webcam and use microphone to chat and talk to each other. This means a lot to them.


• if we are staying with our parents, we must always look out for their health and welfare. This does not mean taking them for health treatment when they are not well but to involve in preventive actions. When our parents get old, the important thing is that they are able to perform day to day function well. Exercise-like walking and qi gong are good for their health. But most of the time, they will not want to go alone- so you have to go with them. Just for once a week, instead of your normal sprints at the treadmill, just be patient and go for a slow walk with them.


• don't ask- just do it. Don't ask what they want because they often will not want to intrude too much into your life and welfare. Do something that puts a smile on their face- and often, it does not involve expensive material things


• but it does not mean that you replace time and care with material things and Astro (cable TV- sorry, in my opinion, too much TV is bad for your brain). To your parents, often, all they ask for is to have you around to spend the evenings with them. If they are staying in another state/country, then make the effort to contact them at least 3 times a week.

The best way to repay the kindness and sacrifice of our parents.

Years ago, when I was still a student, I attended a talk by Ajahn Brahmavanso. That time, he was not as famous as he was now. He imparts great values through his stories. During question time, I asked him on what is the best way to repay our parents' kindness?

Those days, I lose count how many times I broke my mom's heart by being rebellious, stubborn, going against her wishes and making her constantly worried. It was finally getting to me as I grow older on what a brat I was.

Ajahn Brahm looked at me but the look is as if he looked straight into my being to see what my troubles were. Then he told me, the best way for me to repay the kindness of my mother and father if we able to teach them the Dhamma and through it, they become better persons. Because as Buddhist, we believe in karma and rebirth, therefore if they are able to practice good values, it helps them in the journey of their future lives. I've always remembered his advice.

Of course, this would apply in the context of other religions-if you are a Christian, then, would you be able to inspire your parents and make them understand God's teachings?

And it does mean that we become hypocrites, that we are not able to practice what we preach. Most of the time, it requires patience and setting a good example. In the process, we are challenged to transform ourselves as well. When our parents see that we become better persons, they are interested to follow as well.

My Silly and Humble Example
Here, I just share with you an example. I know some people finds it silly. But I always feel very sad if I see animals suffer. So, from young, my heart bled for stray dogs on the street who has nothing to eat. When it rains, they shiver in cold and hunger. I've always wanted to feed them but felt self-conscious and worried about what others may think about me.
But slowly, I started collect leftovers from my friend's lunch boxes and parties to feed the stray. At first, I was very self-conscious. Now, I don't give a hoot about what others think. I just feed the stray out in the open- in my heart, I felt that these animals don't have a choice- they cannot work for a living even though they hope to. I can't take them home and care for them, there's just too many of them- but the least I could do is to take away their hunger for one meal. After a while, I noticed there are others who did the same.

Anyway, a few times my mom was with me while I stopped the car and take out some dog biscuits (used to keep in a bottle in my car) to feed the strays. At first, she felt it was utter nonsense. But slowly, she started to feel a bit sorry for the strays. So one day, there was too much of leftover food that even my dogs cannot finish. So she took and feed a stray. And the next day she went.

After a while, the stray recognized her. When my mom put the food down, she turned and walked away. After a distance (about 100 m) when she turned back, she found that the stray was still looking at her, with what she described as 'as if it was saying thank you to me' before it finally ate the food (see, even strays have common courtesy). It made her feel happy- after all, my mom had grown up in poverty, so she knows what hunger meant.

Now, she's even more diligent in feeding the strays. If she knows there are strays hanging around the area, she will take extra food with her on her way out.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL MOTHERS :)

Burma's Crisis- please pray for them

Today, I saw the news in BBC with sadness that there could be a possibility that there are more than 100,000 death toll. The Burmese government, at first delaying approvals from aids by United Nations- even every minute counts and may increase the death toll. Foreign aid workers and other workers are tired and overwhelmed by the enormous task ahead of them.

It's so sad that apparently the Burmese government had been repeated warned about the approaching dangers of the cyclone and yet the warning never reached its people. Survivors can be seen on the streets trying to remove the fallen trees using hand tools like saws and ropes. It's so sad, and all the government cares about is the referendum?

Last Saturday, I was sitting for an exam and did not really caught up with the news- in fact, I normally don't take time to read news. However, I remember feeling strangely uneasy during the weekend. Strangely, about few days before the cyclone hit Burma, I dreamt about a place with rising flood waters- I told my mom about the dream the next day. When I actually saw the news, then the reality hit me on how badly the cyclone had affected Burma.

I feel sad that Burma had to suffer such a terrible fate under this ruler. I am hopelessly undisciplined when it comes to praying- even though I make a constant effort in my daily live to live as a better and kinder human being. But I will do my best, at least for the next week, to allocate sometime to say some prayers for the sufferers and those who lost their lives. That is the least I could do.

I hope you can spare a little time too to say a few words of prayers for the unfortunate people of Burma. And I hope the people will be able to get the aid that they so desperately need by so many countries that are more than willing to help (but not allowed in due to bureaucracy).

How Else You can Help
Aside from that, you can help by donating to the Red Cross or your local fund raising services.

Wake up call from being disorganised

Here are some honest admission by a hopelessly disorganised person:

From my previous posts written about being organised, I have again regressed into being a total disorganised person.

At work, my desk is full of papers- most of them could be recycled or thrown away (without confidential information) -well, they're just- rubbish. Then, I am having email management problem ... again. I receive lots of emails daily which I need to clear and organised. One thing bout email- what begins as an accumulation of a few days (nearing a hundred) emails quickly become a few thousand within a month. I am so used to receive warning message that I am exceeding the size allocated by Outlook everyday I turn on my PC. Yet, I do nothing about it until Outlook bars incoming emails- then I will spend more than half a day going through mails and deciding which emails to permanently delete.

Strangely, with all the disorganised desk, emails and drawers- you would know me as someone who is productive at work. When people say my desk is messy, I told them "wait till you check out my drawers". I scribbled important things to do on irregularly shaped sized papers that I cut out from the recycled printouts. I clipped these little pieces of papers together and put them near my keyboard. I find that they are better reminders than writing it down into organisers or planners, which I never learnt to read. I am able to function and think well in a totally messy environment- unlike some who cannot think on a messy desk.

Most of my colleagues are very organised people with no litter lying around their desk. My ex-boss came over to my place recently and she commented:

My ex-boss: Why do you stuff little plastic bags inside you desk calendar?

Me: You know, the desk calendar has a hollow column that you can stuff small things inside- well, little plastic bags are good to wrap things, especially half finished food like cookies and sweet stuff to prevent ants from crawling to it. Sometimes I take leftover food to feed to stray dogs- so small plastic bags are very handy.

My ex-boss: Gosh, that is an empty plastic bag (previously used to fill up some fruits that I brought from lunch). Why don't you just throw it away?

Me: Those clear plastic bags are quite clean. Instead of throwing it to the bin (plastic bags take long time to decompose and there are dangerous to sea animals that mistaken it for food), I take back and recycle it. It's practical to put sandwiches and other food that you take to work. Just that I did not have time to put it away into my bag....so it's still left lying on my desk...

My ex-boss: You have so much of paper on your desk (flicking through the papers)- and these are not relevant anymore.

Me: Yeah, meant to deal with it but have no time.

Wake up call

It never occurred to me that this habit can be so detrimental. Sometimes, I forget to pay utilities bills because I thought I had paid them a few weeks ago. As the result, when the bill arrived, there always seemed to be an overdue amount. Sometimes, I had paid for a bill and forgotten, then pay again- causing excess payments. So, I sometimes have some overpaid bills and overdue bills. Funny huh?

The wake up call came when recently my fixed line got disconnected and I received a warning from the electricity company that my bills were 2 months overdue. Honestly, I really thought I had paid for them. It's pathetic. No one from my family scolded me because they knew it's not because I purposely did not pay. But I really felt so guilty.

I want to try to take baby steps again towards the path of being more organised- at least at crucial expect of my life such as getting bills paid on time, learning to put things back from where I took them, learning to keep place as tidy as I can. Sometimes, I admit that I get very frustrated when I cannot find a certain piece of clothing or some document because I cannot remember where I put it. Sigh...

I must try to control clutter before it controls my life.